Wedding Etiquette: The Who, What and "Wear" of the Personal Attendant

Expert advice on making this special wedding guest stand out.
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updated 8/22/19

We love when brides reach out to us with their pressing planning questions. The most common questions we receive revolve around etiquette - what's the right way to do this or that? While we firmly believe there's no wrong or right way to go about your big day, you do want to make sure you're showing your nearest and dearest just how special they are to you, whether that be your parents, bridesmaids or a personal attendant

While most are familiar with the roles of the parents and bridesmaids on the big day, not everyone chooses to have a personal attendant. This job is usually reserved for a close friend or family member who is not a bridesmaid, but assists the bride before and during the wedding with a variety of personal duties, like transporting the dress, fielding day-of questions and making any last-minute trips. This frees up the bride and her maids from worrying about the minute details of the day. We recently received a fantastic etiquette question about the attire of a personal attendant:

What is the proper etiquette for my personal attendant's attire? I want her to feel 100% included but also think it's silly to ask her to purchase a bridesmaid dress. Do I give her the option or is that too much pressure?

Our advice would be to give your attendant a color palette to choose from and some direction as to the style of dress (formal, cocktail, floor-length, beaded, lace etc.). That way she'll coordinate perfectly in all of your photos and will stand out as a guest of honor, without exactly matching the bridesmaids. That also gives her an option as to how much she wants to invest in her attire.

You may also want to consider purchasing some flowers for her to carry/wear. A bridesmaid bouquet might be a bit too much, but maybe a floral hair comb or a few stems that coordinate with your bouquet.