When I first met my husband, he had more clothes, more shoes and more closet space than I did and he wanted two wedding celebrations! I would often say to myself, “Why can’t I have a boyfriend/fiancé like other girls? Someone who could care less how I decorated the house, who didn’t even need a closet and who would let me decide what our wedding should look like!” Let’s just say I learned the hard way. (Power struggles galore!) Here’s hoping you won’t have to!
1. Talk about your expectations for the wedding
Don’t just assume he doesn’t want to be involved. If you automatically shut him out, he’ll probably be more likely to get over-involved, just to teach you a lesson or put his foot down. Talk about what’s important to him, how he pictures your wedding—i.e. colors, number of guests, location, etc. After all, it is his day too. Share with him what you were hoping to have control over, since you’ve likely been thinking about this day longer than he has. Most importantly, don’t make him feel like his only job is to show up on the big day. This day is about your love for one another, and it’s best to not start out your life together disrespecting that love.
2. Assign him specific tasks that you both feel good about
Guys are generally very solution-focused and love to solve problems. You can’t control everything and if you try to, you’ll burn out fast and really start to resent the planning process. (No fiancé wants a bridezilla, no matter what the TV show portrays!) Ask him what he wants to be in charge of, and then together make a list of responsibilities and timelines for getting the tasks completed. Warning: Men tend to wait until the last minute to get their “assigned” duties completed, but the key here is that they get them done. Women typically have a hard time letting go and find it difficult to wait when the task could have been completed by you, more efficiently. Trust your guy to follow through and avoid becoming his nagging mother! If he doesn’t follow through, you’ve got a bigger problem on your hands.
3. Make him feel important, not like an extra in your wedding
Making your partner feel important is something you should strive for every day, but especially if he’s feeling like you’re running the show with the wedding planning. To keep him from engaging in power struggles with you, just to assert his control, allow him to feel an equal sense of responsibility for making your day beautiful. Explain to him why it’s important that he helps you and what it says about his love for you if he doesn’t. Sometimes brides have a tendency to lose sight of what the wedding day is really about, because you have so much pressure to make it perfect. Let your groom in on those pressures, feelings and expectations and hopefully he’ll be understanding and do what he can to make sure his princess has the day she deserves!
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